I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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