I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We named our party play list daddy issues
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
