Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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