i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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