Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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