I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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