I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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