My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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