We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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