While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
