bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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