currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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