He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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