I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
