Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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