I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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