you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
