i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
