I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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