I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize