Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize