when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
