Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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