He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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