im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
BRING THE BAGELS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
