I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
