Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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