Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
