Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
