a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Enjoy the penises
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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