Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
