my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize