yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
