Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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