I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
