Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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