i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
