I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
