That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
