dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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