If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
