it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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