Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
