just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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