Porn is love you can see.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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