The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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