My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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