Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
