I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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