I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
