There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
