You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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