your parents love me but you hate me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
