You're a womanizer and a bitch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
