I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
whose ass print is on the piano?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
