omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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